Couch Potato Dad Can't Figure Out Why Kids Are So Lazy
FRESNO, CA—One local father, Jacob Celek, spends thousands of dollars a year on travel baseball and private lessons, but failure to get his sons to practice at home has left him perplexed. He conducted his interview from his couch and dressed in a t-shirt and boxers, commenting in between Call of Duty team deathmatch sessions.
“All they wanna do is play Fortnite,” he complained, “Even on perfectly sunny days I try to tell them to go outside and work on their drills, play catch—do something! But they just won’t listen. Even if they do get out the door, they just plop down and get on their phones. I raised them better than that.”
His twin sons, Kaden and Kyle, are twelve years old and have spent time on four different travel teams and have worked with eight different private coaches since they started playing baseball at age six. When asked what drills they could be working on in their spare time they simultaneously replied with, “I don’t know.”
“I blame the coaches. I pay them to get my kids motivated and make ‘em better ballplayers. Eight different coaches and thousands of dollars later, and they’re still just as lazy and have barely improved their skills. What kinda crap is that?”
The interview ended after Jacob lost his fourth match in a row and threw his bowl of hot Cheetos across the room.